Did you also know that many people who HAVE experienced such a thing also don't remember because their mind "blocks" it out. Sometimes they may have flashbacks..or remember bits and pieces of the incident..but they still question on whether or not it REALLY TRULY happened because they can't seem to remember the whole story.
Now take both of these things..both the "Blocking Out" and the "Handles Life events differently"..what does that mean exactly? Well, our minds and bodies can endure A LOT!!!! "Blocking" things out is a defense mechanism. It's the body's way of "protecting" us. And YES, I am FULLY aware that there are MANY people out there that remember every single detail of their trauma--and that is NOT saying anything negative. I believe that EVERYTHING we go through is for a REASON. And many times we don't understand the reason..and that's OKAY because perhaps we were not meant to understand in this lifetime. Either way, whether a person remembers fully, a little bit, or perhaps not at all...Each "Handles" life events a bit different than others.
Ever run across a female who claims she was "attacked", "abused" or "sexually assaulted" by a man but yet she seems to be...um..overly welcoming with men after the "incident"? Now..this is where all those judgemental comments come in. The "oh, she was basically "ASKING FOR IT TO HAPPEN"..just look at how she--(FILL IN THE BLANK HERE)." So WRONG! So VERY VERY WRONG! Let me explain and give an example. My friends company has a department that handles sexual harassment and sexual abuse cases among employees...at one time there was a female who came forward saying she was sexually assaulted by fellow male co-worker. The female was known to be quiet, keeping to herself most of the time, a hard worker, and dependable. The company took swift action filing the reports properly and getting the proper authorities involved. BRAVO to them! But within a few weeks it was noted that the female was acting differently. She was more forthcoming with males...the once shy gal seemed shy no more. Obviously this raised a few eyebrows. Had the company missed something? Did they judge her character wrong? They had missed something..they had missed the part where the incident had a MAJOR psychological effect on the female. Without realizing it, the female went through some personality changes. What no one realized is that it was simply a defense mechanism. She was once quiet and meek and was assaulted...so now...her whole being went on the defense and said "Well, if acting THAT way got me assaulted then I will act THIS way and take my power back!" Did you catch that one little part? Let me point it out...TAKE MY POWER BACK. Yeah, THAT.
I've found talking to other survivors of sexual abuse that..that little line ends up ruling our world and we don't even realize it! We somehow find a way to TAKE OUR POWER BACK..even without realizing what we are doing! That in itself can cause SOOOOOOOOO many other issues in a persons life!
Taking one's power back can be done any number of ways....
- Becoming controlling -not letting anyone HELP--my way or no way attitude or NO ONE can get it right like I can
- Power may equal bursts of RAGE--not being able to control our inner emotions it can manifest into fits of anger or rage..because it's something we can control
- Isolating oneself--the attitude of "if I HIDE no one can hurt me" and AGAIN this may not even be on a conscience level. If you find yourself or know of someone who CONSTANTLY breaks plans and finds every excuse to stay HOME and not be social..this might be WHY
- Becoming OVERLY friendly--again a control thing..by putting oneself OUT THERE subconsciously they are standing their ground and it's basically because there is a guilt inside that they felt.."well if I COULD'VE, SHOULD'VE etc then it WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED". Messed up but TRUE.
Good New though..there is HOPE!
If it's someone else..hopefully this gives you a bit of understanding as to what is going on in their world. Offer to be a support..someone to they can talk to without judgement..and ASK how you can help or if at all.
If it's YOU...
First and FOREMOST..you must FORGIVE. WAIT..don't yell yet..I'm not finished! FORGIVE YOURSELF! Yes, you heard me right! You need to know that it was NOT your fault..NONE OF IT!
Second..Find a support group..or a therapist to talk to. Talk therapy is one of the most healing things on this planet. Finding a support network allows you to be among others who have gone through a similar situation..it helps bring perspective hearing it from someone who "KNOWS".
Third..Recognize how you may be subconsciously TAKING YOUR POWER BACK! Many of the characteristics of doing so are actually more damaging than good (as listed above). Recognizing is the first step! Then you can make changes or be conscience of what you are doing and putting two and two together realizing WHY you do what you do!
Four..Know that bad things DO happen to good people..but DON'T give up on humanity or life! Whether we will ever understand the "WHY" or not..we are ALL here for a reason. Find your purpose in life and get busy cutting all those cords that are holding you down and back from becoming the FABULOUS being your were born to be!
Until Next Time...
"Keep moving forward with a conscience mind & heart"
Much Love, Light N Gratitude